CATFISHED x 2

WHY ARE ALASKAN MEN (or are they even Alaskan? Maybe they’re North Dakotan women in trailer parks? I don’t even know anymore! I don’t trust anyone!) SO DESPERATE AND PSYCHO AND OBSESSED WITH TRYING TO CATFISH ME?!

So today, I get a message from a breathtakingly gorgeous creature. I’m thinking, “helllllllloooooooo marriage.”  (Obviously I didn't learn my lesson from, ya know, the dude who was stunning and Catfished me a week ago, but…. moving on.) Anyway so I’m already planning our kids’ middle names out. Before we were even 10 minutes in I screenshotted his picture and sent it to my roommate and said, “He’s definitely Catfishing me, isn’t he?” (I was trying to cry out for help so my deep hopeful side didn’t talk me into this…), she replied, “Oh 100% for sure.”

He then ends up sending me some selfies and I’m (okay I was tired at work and didn’t look super close) but I literally thought “hmm. These don’t look like the exact same person” (but I was too distracted deciding between Sophie and Juliette as a good daughters name for us) so I let it slide. But then he said something about dating in Alaska being so ridiculous someone should start a blog or TV show about it….errrr…what? Red flag. But again, I thought “We’re just MFEO; we think EXACTLY alike!!! It’s fine.” (Made For Each Other…. go watch Sleepless in Seattle if you don’t get the reference.) 

ANYWAY. During it all I have this sneaking, (sinking) feeling that he is definitely Catfishing me in some bazaar way. But I’m bored out of my skull at work so I let it go on for a bit. But literally the second I walk into the house, I grab my computer and yell at my roommate, “This guy is deeeeeeefinitely about to be busted out.” HELLO GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH (Yeah, it’s seriously the best thing that ever happened.)

Image one.

Hit.

Image two.

Hit.

Busted. So, opposite from last time this happened (scroll back in the blog posts for the first time last week), I didn’t beat around the bush. I just said, “Okay buddy I know you’re Catfishing me. I figured out your plan and I don’t have time for this.” He protested telling me he had sent REAL selfies though and that that profile was being used for a blog (IS SOMEONE PLAYING MY GAME BACK AT ME?! THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE BLOG HERE BUCKO!) He tried and tried and tried to maintain contact but, lets be honest, even if he WAS actually attractive in real life, you cant build a romance on a lie.

Come on buddy. That’s not how love blooms (or maybe it is, hell if I know anymore.) Go ahead and call me the Catfish queen.

(I didn’t add this guys REAL selfies because I’m not THAT mean. Though I highly debated it. For a very long time. I was so close. But alas, I’m just suuuuch a nice human. But I do feel like its really important you know that in his REAL picture, he was wearing a WWJD bracelet..... first of all, WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? HE DEFINITELY WOULD NOT HAVE CATFISHED ME)