Future Restraining Orders: Part 1

Yeah. “I’m very friendly and nice guy”, (which I just heard, ‘nice guy’ on Gilmore Girls is code for butt ugly).  Also is ‘very friendly’ code for “will try to get handsy waaaaay too quickly on the first date?” Because thats what I read when I read this.  #thirsty

This post is just dripping with stage 10 clinger– and is the reason for naming this category “future restraining orders waiting to happen.”

Note to boys, sometimes I’m away from my phone. Other times (all other times) when you start off (or in any time during our talk) have gross sexual comments you get instantly blocked. Or in this case, screen shotted and posted on my blog. Also, badgering me 7 billion times will definitely not make my heart finally give in and say, “okay fine. You win. Lets fall in love and make 12 babies.” Nope. Nope. Never. 

Please don’t write me when you’re drunk. And if you’re not drunk, maybe you should be. Or maybe just go back to school for some spelling and grammar help.

First of all. “Good morning” at 12:46 am = you’re drunk and looking for a booty call. Second of all, throwing your number out after someone doesn’t respond to you is straight up NEEDY AF. Third, you really think no one has ever told me I’m beautiful? Wow.

Then, “did I do something wrong?” I feel like this is moving too fast – that’s the kinda thing a boyfriend says when you’re giving him the silent treatment for no reason; not a phrase coming from an absolute stranger. But then moving along without any explanation if he DID do something wrong, he tries again from the beginning.

Also, this guy not only is in the, "future restraining orders" category, but should also be in, "Please take 5th grade english and learn how to make contractions", category. 

Oh and learn how to use the right “you’re”,  it makes a world of difference.

FIRST THINGS FIRST.....PLEASE, please, PLEEAAASEEEE tell me you don’t actually think that’s how you spell firefighter…. Please. Second, you said ‘tonight’ 3 times in 3 sentences. 

Third,

my name is: no, 

my sign is: no, 

my number is: no. 

Oh my god. I'm already overwhelmed! Question. DO THE MEN NOT REALIZE I CAN SEE THEIR PREVIOUS MESSAGES? Do they think, "oh well, she probably deleted the first message let me try again?" NO! The way the app works (here, guys, let me help you out), is that even if I delete your messages every single time they come through (which I do), the next time you write me, ALL THE PREVIOUS MESSAGES SHOW UP AGAIN. So.....you end up looking about as crazy as this guy. Also....just take a peek at the time stamps on each one. Drunk much? Classy.

You can catch me, huh? Well I can carry pepper spray and can call 911. So. Touche. Two can play at this game......

OH BUT WAIT! MORE PEPPER SPRAY MAY BE NEEDED FOR THIS GEM! 

                                                Here's his interests....

Interests. “You’ll see”. Seriously, if this doesn’t terrify you as much as it terrifies me you should rethink everything you believe in. ALL I read is, “hello Clarice...it puts the lotion on the skin."

Nope. Buh-bye.

TO BE CONTINUED.....